How to Earn a Free Latte

I'm writing this entry from the baggage claim area of the airport in Madison, Wisconsin, after an overnight flight from Los Angeles via Chicago. My suit, sadly, decided to spend an extra hour in Chicago--so I'm waiting for it to arrive on the next flight before I head down to the Wisconsin state competition. I could probably do without the suit, but my alpaca sweater's in the bag too, along with ten little alpacas.

My roommate Sasha often noted that I had a "unique relationship with objects." He reached this conclusion after I broke his laptop by standing near it. (Not on it. Though I've stood on a laptop before too, and that didn't end well either.)

In recent days, I've speculated that this relationship may extend to web sites. But yesterday, I had a good old-fashioned experience with physical objects. First, at Starbucks, picking up a toffee nut latte, I asked the woman behind the counter if she could recharge my Starbucks card--and if it would take too long, as I didn't want to create a line. She waved negligently. "Not long at all," she assured me. Moments later she reported my card didn't work. We tried another. It also didn't work. Okay, I'll just pay with my credit card, I said. But the credit card didn't work either. By now a line was steadily growing toward the door. I'll just pay cash, I said, and offered her a $10 bill. She shook her head. "Don't worry about it," she said. "Just go."

Apparently, my Starbucks card broke the cash register.

Much later in the evening, I was boarding my United flight. I used miles to upgrade, so was one of the first people on the plane, toting along my new travel pillow (acquired in Providence) and a Carl's Jr. bag. I slipped my boarding pass into the giant "I will devour your boarding pass then spit it out again" machine--then heard a grinding sound familiar from years of photocopying for Dr. Hurlbut.

Yep. I had jammed the giant "I will devour your boarding pass then spit it out again" machine.

As a result, I was the last person onto the plane for a while. The upside: this gave me plenty of time to eat my bacon-less guacamole bacon burger.