Not Exactly Harry Potter

This last week, I've been writing and editing children's passages for English learning books in Korea. I thought I'd share a couple examples to give a sense of where my mind's been lately when it's not studying polls.

Help! My time machine malfunctioned. I wanted to visit the American Revolution, but I looked outside and there are gigantic animals everywhere. I think they are dinosaurs. They are definitely not American.

If you find this message, please send help. Tell my friends that I am stranded many millions of years in the past. I need someone to rescue me as soon as possible. For now, I will try to hide in a cave. I just hope none of the dinosaurs are hungry.

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Couple seeks reliable computer geek to take care of two baby robots, R2 and R3. They do not need food or love, but they are very smart and like challenges. Their favorite games include Sudoku and chess. They communicate with blinking lights and beeping sounds. They shut down automatically at bedtime.
R2 and R3 are toilet-trained. However, in case of accidents, knowledge of computer programming is a plus.
Candidates must be available evenings and weekends.
Pay rate depends on experience.
Please reply to: Mr. and Mrs. D2

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Today, I faced off against a wizard named Anzor. He wore dark robes and held a smoking wand.

He cried, “You had better surrender, farmer boy, or I will destroy your home!”

I hesitated. He was a level five wizard and I wasn’t very strong. But I had a secret weapon.

“I will fight!” I typed, lifting my magic shovel.

“A magic shovel?” Anzor laughed. “What will you do? Dig a magic hole?”

He waved a hand. I was pinned down. Behind me my farm disintegrated.

Sigh. So much for the shovel. Maybe tomorrow I’ll go back to playing Scrabble.